The study of human nature has taught me that the one constant concerning human behavior is self preservation. Nonverbal communication speaks volumes in the study of human nature. When I would meet people for the first time, when moving to a new parish, I would watch their eyes. My wife would do her best to keep from doing this, and from time to time I would make a conscious effort to not watch their eyes; it was a lesson in futility. Try as I may I just couldn't keep myself from doing it. The short instances when I was able to keep from looking in their eyes I felt like I had missed something in the conversation. I still watch people's eyes as I talk to them now because it is a very revealing nonverbal communication. Most people want to say more than they do, but for some reason they hold back. I am convinced a lot of friendships fail to flourish because the eyes tell a different story than the verbal communication.
Another aspect of nonverbal communication that can easily drive a wedge between friends, and even romantic partners, is touching. I have learned to refrain from this unless I am given a cue from the other person that it would be acceptable for me to touch them in an appropriate way. As I would help parishioners deal with bereavement, a touch on the shoulder or taking their hand would say a lot. When permission is given, this is a very powerful nonverbal communication. I often tell my wife how her kiss touches me way down into my toes. It is very personal, and can be the one thing, when misrepresented, that could end life long friendships.
Personal space is quite another story, though, because it is the most difficult one for me to read. I am an emotional, touchy-feely person. This gets me into trouble at times because it usually leads me into violating somebody's personal space. I think I read somewhere once that people naturally consider a radius of about two-feet as their personal space. We see this in corporations where employees sit in cubicles to do their work. They are strategically set up to give the “owner” of that space plenty of room to maneuver while doing their job without violating any body else's personal space.
These are just three of the nonverbal communication tools we use on a daily basis. I am convinced, after watching my wife experience the birth of our two children, that proxemics is learned in the womb. The other nonverbal communication rules are learned and honed by participation. Life teaches us many things about communication, and when you think you know all you need to, you learn something new that causes you to want to learn more. Some would say this is the difference between knowledge and wisdom.
