Having received sensory input, processed it according to the way we were born, the way we were raised, the rules we abide by, and (as the result of the memory of experience) the screening system we have developed, we go one step further in our processing: we refine the information by deletion , distortion , and generalization. With deletion , we selectively pay attention to certain aspects and not to others. We may overlook or omit. Deletion is the process whereby we reduce the amount of incoming information to a manageable level. With distortion , we make shifts in our experience by misrepresenting or altering representations of reality. Distortion is the process whereby we motivate ourselves. With generalization , we draw broad global conclusions based upon one or two experiences. Generalization is the process whereby we accelerate the rate at which we learn. We achieve this by limiting the number of times that we must analyze repetitive data, and by limiting the variety of data to be analyzed.
4. Behavioral Communication: Emotional (inferential) vs. Physical (literal)
During the period between ages nine and fourteen, we learn how to interact with the people in the world around us by observing and reacting to our secondary caregiver, who is usually but not always, our father. We learn to conceal or reveal emotions, to suppress or release our physical reactions based upon the response that we get from our father. We also learn too, how to express or repress our feelings, where our safety zone lies, and whether or not it is safe to become close to someone or safer to maintain our distance.
Physical : If we are raised to expect and receive affection, to show emotion, to speak our mind freely, we are likely to behave in a way that is consistent with that. We are spontaneous, open, literal, seeking and giving affection, generous with our emotions and our physical selves. We dress to be noticed, drive cars that are stylish rather than practical, seek out the company of others, marry young, have and enjoy families, shake with hands that are warm and dry, and talk freely about everything, gesticulating often and expansively. We form close relationships that last, and we are easy to get to know. We process incoming information literally, but we speak inferentially. We love to hear the words that tell us that we are accepted, never tiring of being told that we are valued and loved. We are extremely sensitive to rejection, however, and often perceive it where it does not really exist. If we feel wronged, it may take years to recover, or we may not recover at all.
Emotional: If we are raised to expect indifference or to maintain a stiff upper lip, we internalize nearly all of our feelings, speak only when necessary, and are conservative with our emotions and our physical selves. We dress to blend in, we drive practical cars, can appear to prefer our own company to that of others, place career foremost in our priorities, shake with hands that are cool and possibly moist, and maintain a demeanor that is reserved and even constrained. We prefer to maintain a well-defined safety zone between ourselves and others, not getting too close, and our relationships may be short-lived, with people at times considering us difficult to get to know. We can often be blunt in our assessment of others, believing that honesty is preferable to flattery or fluff. When we do express our affection for others, we do so by our actions, rather than by our words, and believe that others should recognize this, since actions always speak louder than words.
Contrary to Mars and Venus, these two primary behavioral styles have no gender preference, nor do they exert prevalence one over the other in any social stratum. Nor is one better than the other. Each has its benefits and each has its weaknesses. They are, in truth, mirror images or complements of one another, like all things in nature. Conflict arises when the two find themselves endeavoring to communicate with one another, neither understanding the other's basic makeup, each one assuming the other is the same, just being difficult. Thus the Physical, prone to jealousy, and needing verbal and physical reassurance of affection, might feel slighted by the Emotional's natural reticence and reserve. The Emotional, not understanding the Physical's constant demands for attention, feels pressured and seeks solace in the safety of work and hobbies.
Based upon your understanding of your behavior, are you an Emotional or a Physical?
5. Body Language: Revealing the Subconscious
Only seven percent of what we communicate is verbal, coming from meta-programs, or language. It makes sense, when you think of it, since language is rules-based, and much of our basic development does not emerge from rules. We bow to certain conventions in order to achieve some level of standardization of the symbols or representations that we must use if we are going to get what we need from others.
