Our words are quite important, but in a way that is far more revealing than the technical information that we may be discussing. The types of words used are indicators of the way in which we form representations. Each of us has a preferred means of forming representations. Some of us are visual ; some of us are auditory , some kinesthetic . Visuals use words like: see, look, view, illuminate, envision, foggy, crystal. Visuals “see” everything they say, remember and learn, so talking to them in those terms enhances communication with them. Auditories use words like: hear, listen, rings a bell, silence, be heard, all ears, tune in/tune out. Auditories “hear” everything they learn and remember, so talking to them in terms of sound metaphors works with them. Kinesthetics use words like: feel, touch, make contact, concrete, hard, unfeeling, slip through, get a hold of, get a handle on. Kinesthetics “feel” everything they learn and remember, so using feeling, touching and contact metaphors work with them.
When you are in front of someone, you can gauge whether he is visual, auditory or kinesthetic by looking at where his eyes go when he talks. When you ask a question of a visual, he will look up to the left if he is right-handed when he is accessing a memory of an actual event. He will look up to the right if he is imagining something or if he is lying. The opposite is true of a left-handed person. If he is auditory, he will look to the right or left, level with his ears depending if he is creating or remembering. If he is kinesthetic, he will down to either the right or left, either accessing feelings or talking to himself.
It is important to pay attention to eye position. Eye contact is important when listening, but when speaking, often one looks away to access memories or create an answer. Only when someone never makes eye contact or makes steady, fixed eye contact does it become problematic. Avoidance of eye contact creates mistrust, and steady, penetrating eye contact is very intimidating. Being aware of your client while talking with him allows you to observe these subtle changes and reactions as the discussion moves along. If you are not paying attention, you will miss these cues. Missing cues can and often does lead to misunderstanding.
3. Communicating Through Core Values
When you are with a client, and if you are fortunate enough to be in his own office, look around you for signs of his core values. By correctly assessing his core values, you will be able to communicate to him the information that he wants to hear and which he will use when he forms his opinion of you.
An S will have a neat, orderly office with books in alphabetical order, or some other systematic order, and his desk will be neat and even empty. The furniture will be traditional, good quality if he has anything to do with it, and in good condition. He will be on time for appointments, and he will expect the same of you. Meetings will end on time as well. He will be dressed according to the prevailing dress code, and expect you to follow the same procedure. He will want to hear that safety rules have been followed, permits have been obtained on time, and that things are proceeding according the plan. Too much innovation will disturb him; so if you must introduce a novelty, make sure that you prove that precedents exist and that the risk for failure is low. Your presentation must be organized, so be sure to do your homework beforehand.
A T will have a messy office with papers everywhere because he will be working on several projects at once, all of which must be thoroughly researched before they can be approved or implemented. He will be late, most likely, but you must be on time because you do not know when he will be ready to see you. He will not let you go until he is satisfied, so make sure you are flexible with time. If you rush out for another appointment before he is satisfied, you will lose points. He will be less concerned with your appearance (unless you are female) so rather than dress to impress, make sure you can answer all of his many technical questions. Be prepared to answer a string of objections or defend your position, because he will use logic to weaken your proposal at any opportunity, with the premise that he is merely touching all the bases.
An A will breeze in and out, answer calls, move around the room, interrupt you and show demonstrable impatience if you try to present too much information. He will be dressed to impress, so you should not try to upstage him. He does not appreciate one-upsmanship in his space, so take the opportunity to shine by getting right to the bottom line. Spare the details and the technical jargon: he is not listening. Allow him to be magnanimous and expansive and accept whatever he offers to you. Finish quickly and leave early. He will let you know when you are through.
