An R will greet you with a three-handed handshake and ask you about yourself or your family. He may tell you about his. Listen and add some human interest of your own. His office will have family pictures, awards, plants, toys, or other “soft” items or memorabilia. If he has a rocking chair in the office, sit it in when he invites you to sit down. Present information to him that makes him proud that he is doing business with an ethical and environmentally responsible company. Show that you are proud also to be associated with a company that rewards its employees, uses only dolphin-safe products and has child-care on the premises. Smile and do it sincerely.
4. Setting the Intention for the Result: Managing Situations with Communication Tools
We are operating under the basic assumption in this course that you are doing the job that is required of you and that you have the technical competence and ability to perform the tasks assigned to you. Thus, we have not spoken of things like budgets, schedules, pricing and quality control because these elements of client satisfaction are actually easier to manage than one-to-one communication. The means by which a completed project can be evaluated are far more consistent, objective and quantifiable than the means by which we can evaluate the effectiveness of communication.
The best way we can devise an evaluation method for communication effectiveness is by visualizing a desired outcome. This can be agreed upon by all parties beforehand or by one person as he walks into a room. When scheduling a client meeting, it is helpful to ask for a goal or objective, and then structure the meeting in terms of that objective. Meetings usually have some agenda and specific business to be discussed, but the effectiveness of the overall communication is not usually factored into that agenda. Setting the intention before the meeting is remarkably effective for uniting all parties under a common umbrella.
Acknowledging the differences in learning, core values, behavior and representational processing can be more productive than would seem at first. Guiding the flow of discussion around these different styles can make use of each of their contributions, without stifling or over-emphasizing anyone. Accepting differences as complementary rather than conflicting allows for framing remarks and rebuttals in a positive way rather than in a negative or belittling way. Understanding inherent differences increases learning and exchange, coming from a position of empathy rather than one of enmity. The client benefits when his needs are addressed and his ideas are heard, and the consultant benefits when he is paid on time and the job can be completed on schedule and under budget.
- Describe an example of effective communication that you have witnessed. What made it effective? How can you apply that to other situations?
- How do you feel when you believe that someone understands you? What does that involve? Can you reverse that, and create the belief in someone else that he is understood?
Part III: Case Analysis
Coping with Difficult People
Robert Bramson wrote a book called Coping with Difficult People that describes seven different types of problem people. We all recognize someone from that group - maybe even ourselves - and we can recall painful memories of interactions with them. There are the Hostile-Aggressives (Sherman Tanks, the Exploders, the Snipers), the Complainers, the Clams, the Super-Agreeables, the Negativists, the Bulldozers and Balloons, and the Stallers.
Bramson offers many suggestions for coping with these business types but there are certain recommendations that work for all of them, even though each one is different.
- Labeling. This is a form of generalization, after the identification and association.
- Understanding. This is where empathy comes into play.
- Self-Assessment. Acknowledge that you have also been a difficult person.
- Accepting and embracing the differences. Work with them not against them.
It helps to realize that most of the really difficult behavior situations result from defensiveness, fear, and insecurity. Recognizing this in the context that the person acting this way is a person, a human being, who may just be having difficulty communicating, helps a great deal when it comes to strategizing for change.
The following are ten examples of difficult people that you can review and discuss, drawing upon your own experience with very similar people in various situations. You know how the situations played out in the past. What can you use now to hypothesize different outcomes?
- Engineer : Analytical; hands-on; checks everything; no delegating or team building
- Militaristic : Punctual; demanding; rigid; literal and emphatic
- Good Ole Boy : Relationship-oriented regardless of performance; all players not performers
- Institutional : Domineering; process oriented; overactive; firmly structured; hard to read
- Yeller and Screamer : Emotional acting out; doesn't listen to reason; threatens/retracts
- Unstable Internal Environment : Unstable organization; chaotic decision and info processing
- Team Player : Synergizing; win-win; accepts recognition and understands issues and results
- Responsible Manager, no Authority : Cannot make changes or manage the project
- Long-Distance Manager : Infrequent job visits cause info back-up and job slowing
- Quiet with Periodic Involvement : Comes and goes but does not stay engaged daily
Exercise 2: In small groups, consider the case examples. Construct a situation involving the individual described and assign a group member to be that person, acting in the manner associated with that type. Have one or more people in the group interact with him and try to cope with the behavior using the material about information processing, core values, representational systems, and behavioral communication. Choose a member of the group to facilitate or moderate, and then to report back to the main group at the end of the exercise.
Were any of the techniques successful? Why or why not?
