Fighting Fair: 10 Constructive Suggestions for Getting What You Want Anywhere

Disagreements are a part of our human society. No one is an island for too long.

As soon as there are two people in a room there is always the potential for differing viewpoints and heated arguments. In the workplace and in everyday life we must learn how to engage in constructive arguments without crying, using profanity or swinging fists. The way that you handle a difficult situation may well get you that promotion and company recognition that you seek. Diplomacy will take you much further in the business world than a hot, raging temper.

Here are some suggestions for the art of debating your point graciously and fighting fair:

1. Winning an argument should not be the goal.

   The goal of any argument should be to clear the air, speak your mind clearly and reach an understanding between the parties involved.

2. Get control of your emotions before you begin to express your feelings.

   Don't let the emotions of the moment take control of what you want to say and risk causing a larger problem. Focus, stay calm and think before you speak.

3. Listen to your opponent and be respectful.

   Don't interrupt and allow your opponent to say everything that they wish to say. Demonstrate that you are a good listener and there is a better chance that you will be listened to with your opposing argument as well. Repeat what you hear to show that you are actively listening. “I heard you say that…”

4. Always carefully choose your battles.

   Like the boy who cried wolf, if you continually have issues others will stop listening to you and you will be labeled a “problem.” Think about what is most important to you and be selective about the gripes you make.

5. Don't be the martyr.

   If something bugs you and it is contributing to your stress level then you must vocalize your concerns. Don't carry your resentment inside and make yourself sick or displace your anger in other ways. Displaced aggression is taking your frustrations out in ways that are directed at others who are not involved in your argument.

6. Always state the facts.

   Facts are real, while feelings and interpretations can be fiction and less credible. By stating the facts it will help you keep the argument in an agreeable middle zone and give it a focus. Agreeing on the facts, is an important step in laying the foundation for understanding. Also, an area of agreement can serve as a “safety zone” that can be revisited anytime the argument begins to slip in the wrong direction.

7. Cut out the “lawyer” attitude.

   Don't take an aggressive stance and make others feel like they are on the defensive. Drop the courtroom drama and antics.

8. Speak honestly and be constructive.

   To demonstrate that you are being honest. Always make eye contact. Eye-contact shows that you are not hiding anything.

9. Clearly understand the argument of your opponent.

   Ask questions such as “What is your concern here?” to show that you are attempting to understand the differing position

10. Be open to compromise.

    Compromise is sometimes the only way to move on after an argument and should always be carefully considered. Otherwise both sides may not budge from their positions and no one will move forward.

So keep these suggestions in mind the next time you reach a breach in communication especially in the workplace. Who knows, maybe your ability to avoid an all out war will give you the recognition and reward that you need to attain your promotional goals. Good luck!