For anyone who thinks they do a thankless job, try being a union rep. Your mission, is to negotiate settlements that are nothing short of a miracle, fight the most unworthy of causes, patronage the most ludicrous demands, defend the incorrigible in the face of overwhelming odds and forget the reduced sentence, achieving a result that falls short of complete exoneration is dereliction of duty. If you achieve all these objectives, you win first prize in the nobody's friend contest and are awarded a medal with the word "anarchist" engraved on it, which is permanently pinned to your forehead.
My interest in trade unionism developed during the eighties, when I would have described myself as an idealist. I believed it to be the obligation of every member of society, to protect the vulnerable, enhance the lives of the underprivileged, support the underdog, eradicate corruption, right every wrong and be charitable towards those less fortunate than themselves. My ideals, were building blocks in the framework of a society were fairness and justice prevailed and no one would be deprived of the opportunity to improve their lot in life, giving them and future generations a better standard of living. I was convinced my dream of making the world a better place would become a reality and often sang to myself, 'If I Ruled the World' and "To Dream the Impossible Dream". Hope and enthusiasm did not make me blind to the fact that there may be a few obstacles in my path, but I loved a challenge.
The main one being that Democracy had thrown a spanner in the works. Thatcher had just been elected to power and I suspected that her perception of Utopia was a sharp contrast to my own. Her first act as Prime Minister which made an impact on me, was to abolish student loans thereby depriving the less fortunate of a university education along with school milk, and that was just for starters. I took this assault upon my plans to create Utopia very personally and concluded it was time for affirmative action. I pledged my allegiance to Labour, placed a poster of Che Guevara above my bed, never missed an episode of Citizen Smith and became a trade union activist. The revolution was born.
My entry into the trade union movement was greeted with open arms. When it came to selecting candidates for conferences, or electing reps onto committees my name was always to the fore. In time, I realised I was not receiving all this attention due to my skills of excellence, but because I was blonde, female and less than 30 as opposed to being middle aged male.
In addition, I had certain characteristics which made me incredibly PC and there were those who were disappointed that I wasn't a lesbian. Putting aside my feelings of resentment at being groomed for what I felt were the wrong reasons, I threw myself body and soul into my new vocation, determined to prove I could not only do the job well but achieve my ideal of solving the world's problems. I listened sympathetically to every complaint and grievance that came my way, offered advice to the best of my ability and treated every individual with tender, loving care.
It was during this time that I received an education in another small flaw in my plans for Utopia, human nature. It's every employee's prerogative to complain and no matter how good things are they could always be better. The common fault I found among trade union members, is that despite bitter feelings about their lot in life and the numerous suggestions on offer as to how it could be improved, nobody really wanted to do anything about it themselves. That was your job as their union rep. Sorry, but it doesn't work that way. That's like asking someone to become a surrogate parent because you would like to have a child, but don't want to go through pregnancy or endure the less pleasurable aspects of child rearing. Your best efforts to explain that while you can advise them on protocol and will gladly represent them; there is a procedure involved which requires a degree of effort on their part.
Members could never really get to grips with this concept and their reaction to your well meaning advice was a sure indication that they would go back to their respective departments and bewail to their compatriots that the union did nothing. That's another privilege you earn as a union rep. You get the blame of everything from the Holocaust to the atom bombs that were dropped on Hiroshima and Nagasaki, but it's preferable to the alternative. Taking affirmative action on behalf of someone else is a bit like leading the charge of the Light Brigade with one subtle difference. Ten thousand rode into the valley of death, when you shout charge and look over your shoulder your on your own. This brings me to my dossier of member profiles.
