The Company decides, after a high powered presentation
by someone last seen selling insurance, to put in this
Digital Call Forwarding service.
Not that we were going to fire the Big Chested Mannequin
who sat in the Lobby, (one of the V.P.s was buffing her)
but that she would no longer be the "entry point" to the
Firm.
(I thought she stopped being First Entry when the V.P.
started boffing her).
Trucks of money were dumped into this Digital System
which insures that even if you're paying by the second
it's going to eat two minutes of your life.
The Recording starts with a rousing symphony and
a cheery voice doing a thirty second infocommercial
on the Greatness of the Company, then going into:
"If you wish to learn about all the services
we offer and how we can help you, push 1."
"If you are querying an Invoice, push 2."
"If you wish to make a payment to your account,
push 3."
"If you need to query a delivery, push 4."
"If you desire speak to a specific person and
know their name or extension number push 5."
"If you have another Inquiry push 6."
I pushed 6 just for the hell of it and received another
recording, which went through the above recording, just
in case it wasn't clear the first time, then added;
"If you require Service for any item purchased from us,
push 7."
"If you require Service for a product you did not
purchase from us push 8."
"If you need to speak directly to a technician, push 9."
Okay, they've run out of numbers.
Just to see what would happen, I push 0 and got
to speak to the Big Chested Receptionist, Whom,
if you haven't noticed, isn't listed as an Option.
I let the system run for a week, then reported this
'fault' to the Director, who pushed it up to the top
and it came back down for decision.
The Entire System was taken offline to be redone
to insert the Option to contact the Big Chested
Receptionist.
There were debates as to whether 0 should be
included in the first recording or after pushing 6.
These debates became nasty.
There was one faction which averred, not without merit,
that if people knew they could immediately talk to a
human being they would defeat the entire purpose of the
Digital Call Forwarding Service by pushing 0 as soon as
the Recording Started.
There were others who felt 6 should be reworded into an
Invitation for Service and that only those who needed
such should push it.
While the wars raged, The Big Chested Receptionist was
fielding all calls much to the delight of the public
which of course preferred to speak to a human being
instead of a recording.
