It is also vitally important to listen to the words people use in conversation with you, because this will give you a verbal clue (predicates) to the way that they process information. For example, someone who is thinking visually, will use words such as the following:
“I see…”
“Show me ...”
“I can't picture that …”
“Could you illustrate that point ?”
The visual characteristics of someone who is predominant in this way of thinking, would be that they maintain good eye contact, their voice is high pitched and fast. You may also find that they are good with directions and have a good visual memory.
Someone processing in auditory mode will use the following language patterns:
“I wonder what my wife will say when she hears about this …”
“That rings a bell with me …”
“Tell me, how much will that cost?”
The auditory characteristics is a lower pitched voice, rhythmic and smooth. They generally try to sound good. They love going to concerts and listening to music. They often talk and sing to themselves.
When someone is processing information and they're in kinesthetic mode, their predicates will be:
“I trying to grasp the fact that …”
“I feel out of touch with what's going on …”
“I know there is pressure to hit the sales target …”
“I can't handle this any more …”
Kinesthetic characteristics are that they will feel "hot or cold" about you. They pause frequently in conversation (to process the information internally and get a good "feel" of the situation) and they're very "feeling touchy" people!
Watching people's eye movements is one thing, building rapport with them is something different. Matching a mirroring is a well known technique for making someone feel and sense that you are on the "same wave length" as them.
This really is the key to big money. Without rapport, and a sense of trust between you and a customer, the sale is going nowhere. Remember, a sale is just the beginning of a relationship and as such, to start any relationship you need to feel comfortable with another person.
Rapport does indeed create trust. If you have poor rapport with people, you will find life and business particularly challenging.
Matching and Mirroring:
The basic rapport skill is called "matching". This is a process whereby you adjust your own body language to match the same body language of the other person. So for example, if they cross their arms, you cross your arms. If they cross their legs, you cross your legs.
It may seem very obvious and uncomfortable at first, but this is something quite natural to most of us when we trust another human being - we do it without thinking. This is a very powerful way of building rapport.
Have you ever watched two people in love? They not only match their body postures, but they lean closer, and have the same voice tone and tempo. It is if they are hoping to cut out all differences between them. They take part in what is called "the romantic dance".
The opposite is true for two people who don't like each other. They will deliberately mismatch each other's movements. For example, if one person leans backwards, the other will lean forward.
If you are talking to someone and you want to gain huge rapport, even in a seemingly difficult situation, mirror their body movements when you agree with the points they are making and then mismatch when they say something you disagree with.
You can match the whole body movements of another person, with postural shifts, or even match the rate of their blinking and breathing. Have you ever breathed in union with a baby or animal? It is very powerful and relaxing.
If someone is talking very fast or very slow, you would be wise to match the shifts in their tempo, volume, timbre and intonation patterns to develop deeper rapport with them. Your voice is one of the best tools for rapport that you have.
Pacing the speed of someone's voice is a particular skill, as some people talk faster than others. On average, we speak at about 125 words per minute and if we're nervous, this can accelate upwards. When you talk to someone on the telephone, pay particular attention to the way they talk and their speech patterns.
Rapport building skills can be very indirect indeed with cross-over mirroring being a very powerful ability to have. Using one aspect of your behaviour, you can match the other person's behaviour i.e. adjusting the tempo of your voice to match their breathing rate, or tapping your finger gently to the other person's eye blinks.
